Because Vivienne is a very, very bad girl …

So she is going to write a poem right now. Right now. Sitting in the midst of a party. A celebratory party. A celebratory party for her. She is going to write a poem in the midst of a celebratory party for her during which people are talking about enthymeme and assertion and reason and so on and so forth. Talking about Santa Claus and what you want from him and so forth. This shall probably be a haiku, or so forth. There is talk of suitcases with wheels. And so forth. Let’s go.

Let’s think about fashion.

It’s really for the best that this one’s gone.

Yeah. They really want you. They really do.

Most Fashionable Reader! Reader of Fashion! Zelda must confess tonight. Zelda must confess that she did a Very Bad Thing a few weeks ago. A Very Bad Very Unfashionable Thing.

[If I might digress for a moment to give the Reader of Fashion a little background. . . Zelda recently completed her manuscript! Hooray for Zelda! This is something she has been working on (or, to be honest, merely thinking about and agonizing over) for years. And, with the help and support of our Lovely, Most Fashionable Vivienne, Zelda FINALLY got her act together. Zelda FINALLY got her poems together. Hooray for Zelda! That, Most Fashionable Reader, is the end of the Fashionable News / News of Fashion.

So. When Zelda completed her manuscript, what should she have done? If you guessed “Pack it into an envelope and send it to Vivienne straightaway,” you would be correct. But did Zelda do this? She is sorry -- very, very sorry -- that she did not. She will now strip her neck of the most fashionable diamond heart necklace that she has been awarded during this NaPoWriMoFa (National Poetry Writing Month of Fashion) in an act of contrition. What, then, did she do instead? If you guessed “Give newly completed manuscript to therapist because therapist requested to read it,” you would be correct. So. Zelda’s therapist was the first person to read Zelda’s Newly Completed Manuscript of Fashion. This, Dear Reader, is the Very Bad Very Unfashionable Thing.]

In today’s therapy session, Zelda and her therapist discussed the Newly Completed Manuscript of Fashion. The discussion began with Zelda’s Most Unfashionable Therapist saying, “I found your poems very. . . interesting.” Then she threw out some phrases such as “quite a lot of violence,” “violent abstractions,” and “rather startling violence.” It took a lot of explanation from Zelda to convince her therapist that what her therapist deemed as “violent” was not, in fact, a mirror of Zelda’s external environment, but rather a) a representation of Zelda’s internal strife and turmoil and b) a representation of the internal strife and turmoil of women in general. Zelda is not sure her therapist believed her, for, at the end of the session, Zelda was given her therapist’s mobile number (again). Zelda was also given her therapist’s unlisted home number (for the first time). Sigh.

So what would Slash say about this? Well, when he moved from England to California at age 11, he said that he “wore holey jeans and rock-n-roll t-shirts” and that he was “content with the fact that he didn’t fit in.” So there. Zelda is going to be content with the fact that she doesn’t fit in with her therapist. Thank you, Slash!

Eyes Wide Shut

And the men-of-war [can still really sting the crap out of you even when they're dead. trust me. I know.]