Watch him tear me down with such a vengeance.

My Dear Reader: I present to you below a video that clearly illustrates The Almighty Power That Is Slash. It is a video from long, long ago, from the year 1995, from the MTV Awards of that year. I remember watching this, Dear Reader. It was awesome! Slash comes out to perform a solo (and a solo it is, My Dear Reader! a solo it is!) while Michael Jackson sings. Please note at 1.38 how some stage lackey attempts to rudely halt Slash’s solo because the king-of-pop-in-quotation-marks must start singing again! Slash is out of time! Slash must leave the premises! But wait! Please note that Slash sends aforementioned lackey scurrying away with a manly swipe of his Almighty Wrist! Please also note how Michael Jackson attempts to steal the show that Slash stole from him! Please also note how he fails!

So yeah. The poem. I’d started the poem below earlier today, Dear Reader, and then I talked with my Most Fabulously Fashionable Friend D after work who happened to spend an evening at a gala at the Embassy of Finland this week. He was telling me about this event and all the embassies in DC in general, and, as he was speaking, all I could think — and say — was, “ZOMG! This. Is. SO. A. Poem.” So I started to work on it. But, as all poets know, many Poems That Absolutely Must Be Written too often turn into Poems That Are Trying Too Hard To Say Something. Or, as was the case tonight with my attempt at writing a poem that included the Embassy of Finland in it, a Poem That Is Trying Too Hard To Say Something That Ends Up Sounding Like An Elementary School Book Report.

So, Dearest Reader, I have shelved the Poem About The Embassy of Finland tonight. Perhaps it will appear later in NaPoWriMoFa (National Poetry Writing Month of Fashion). Instead, I give you a Poem That Is Trying Too Hard To Say Something And That Doesn’t Even Know What The Something That It Is Trying Too Hard To Say Is.

Perhaps I should have written a poem in the voice of Dorothy Zbornak as my Most Fabulously Fashionable Friend D suggested.

Fashion

[is very important.]

Because All of Those Commercials That Warned About How Alcohol Leads You to Bad Decisions Were Actually Right After All

To which Vivienne’s last post certainly attests. Please forgive me, dear readers. There was a celebration, and I found myself, suddenly, realizing that there is also NaPoWriMo, and I was just tens of minutes away from the end of the day. Alas! Alas. I feel a bit as if I’ve shown my underwear on the Internet. Though, had I shown my underwear on the Internets, we would have no more readers, and Zelda might never forgive me. This, at least, was funny.

But also a shame, as I neglected to mention the wondrous dream I had the night before! In which everyone was wearing a tall and lovely black hat like Slash! And do you know what? That was the first dream I have had in months, months, where there was nothing unpleasant, not even this odd eerie feeling that one often experiences in horror movies just as the fog begins to roll in. It was due solely, of course, to the Slash hats. The moral? Slash hats can save the world.

Here is one thing that will not save the world: Brett Michaels bandannas. Today, in the complete exhaustion and collapse which often comes after road trips and public underwear showings, I watched a good deal of the Rock of Love II marathon. I became aware of the fact that this show might bring back the Rock Bandanna, rather than the Slash hat, which made me slightly uneasy. I became aware of the fact that Brett Michaels wears more make-up than I do on a daily basis. I became aware of the fact that I am, nonetheless, attracted to Brett Michaels. I became aware of the fact that it’s a very good thing that I’m starting therapy again soon.

A Self-Help Guide to Making It

Eat your greens.