So to my bed. So to my grave.

Zelda is going to make quite a few associative leaps in the poemlogue that follows, Most Fashionable Reader, so please bear with her.

So.

Let’s say Zelda likens herself to Alice, the Most Fashionable Heroine of the Most Fashionable Resident Evil Trilogy. Zelda enjoys likening herself to Alice (played by the Most Fashionable of All Fashionable B-Movie Queens, Milla Jovovich), for, in Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Alice must fight the Wretched and Vile Nemesis, whose face is too vile and too hideous to be posted on such a fashionable blog, and this Wretched and Vile Nemesis reminds Zelda of her own wretched and vile nemesis, who would tell Zelda that the subjects of her poems were not interesting enough to be written about, who would reply to Zelda’s fashionable and insightful comments with nothing but A BLACK HOLE OF SILENCE, who would, after Zelda’s fashionable and insightful comments and the unfashionable silences that would follow them, abruptly turn to another student and say, “Well, what did YOU think?”

Ahem. Onward!

So if Zelda likens herself to Alice, played by the Fashionable Milla Jovovich, Zelda must absolutely liken the Most Fashionable Vivienne to Diva Plavalaguna from The Fifth Element (which also stars the Most Fashionable Milla Jovovich). Why? Because Diva Plavalaguna KICKS ASS almost as much as Our Most Fashionable Vivienne of Fashion does. In addition to kicking ass, the Most Fashionable Diva holds within herself the Four Stones of Fashion, the very keys to humanity’s existence. Vivienne proved her Most Fashionable Diva-ness for the BILLIONTH time earlier this week when she correctly interpreted an event Zelda witnessed not as a mere event, but as a SIGN and a VISION from the Benevolent and Graceful and Forever Fashionable Anne Carson. Below, Zelda shall condense this vision as much as she can, because she does not want it to seem like an essay one would read in a creative nonfiction workshop, or a daily devotion one would read in The Upper Room, or Daily Guideposts. Here goes:

After work one day this week, Zelda joined a Friend of Most Fashionable Fashion (FoMFF) at the beach because, at this point, Zelda would rather be called Leatherface than Wednesday Fucking Addams, so she is working on her tan as much as she possibly can. “Look at that sailboat in the water,” FoMFF said as she pointed to a small sailboat-sized speck on the horizon. “I see it,” Zelda said. “They’re tourists,” FoMFF said. “They have no idea what they’re doing. They tried to go out earlier, and they flipped the boat before they got out very far.” It turns out, Most Fashionable Reader, that Water Rescue had to be called to bring the sailors back to the shore. “So why are they out there now?” Zelda said. “I have no idea,” FoMFF said. “As soon as Water Rescue left, they put the boat back in the water.” So Zelda and her FoMFF watched the small sailboat-sized speck on the horizon move back and forth for a while. Then Zelda and her FoMFF watched the small sailboat-sized speck on the horizon attempt to turn and come back to shore. Then Zelda and her Friend of Most Fashionable Fashion watched the sailboat flip. Again. Zelda and her FoMFF watched as the sailors tried in vain to right the sailboat. Then Zelda and her FoMFF watched as the sailboat completely sank. Then Zelda and her FoMFF watched as the Water Rescue Dinghy AND the Big Coast Guard Boat rescued aforementioned sailors.

After hearing this, Vivienne of Most Fashionable Fashion cries out, “This is a Vision, Zelda! A Vision of Benevolence and Grace sent to you by the Benevolent and Wise Anne Carson!” “What does it mean, Vivienne,” Zelda said. “What does it mean?” “It means, Most Fashionable Zelda, that the Wise and Benevolent Anne Carson is SENDING YOU A MESSAGE. And the message is to NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE, ZELDA. YOU MUSTN’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE.” “Vivienne!” Zelda said. “You are so wise! You are so benevolent! You are a vessel of wisdom and benevolence for the wise and benevolent Anne Carson! THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CHANGING MY LIFE!!!”

Thank you, Most Fashionable Vivienne of the Utmost Fashion. Thank you.

Oh yeah! The poem!

For this poem, I have used a constraint that Vivienne and I recently devised. It is called Altered Punctuosity. When one applies Altered Punctuosity to an existing poem, one does not change any of the poem’s words. Instead, one changes the punctuation. I attempted to apply Altered Punctuousity to the entirety of Randall Jarrell’s “The Woman at the Washington Zoo,” but it didn’t work too well for the poem as a whole. I keep telling myself that it’s Jarrell’s fault, not mine. Ha! So I leave you, Most Fashionable Reader of Fashion, with a poem I created by applying Altered Punctuosity to the beginning of Randall Jarrell’s “The Woman at the Washington Zoo.”

The Woman

At the Washington Zoo, the saris go by me.
From the embassies: cloth from the moon,
cloth from another planet they look back at.

The leopard like the leopard.
And I, this print of mine that has kept its color
alive through so many cleanings.

This dull null.

Navy I wear to work, and wear.
From work and so to my bed.
So to my grave.