A bust of Joan Crawford that looks suspiciously like an ashtray.

[A preface: Dearest, Most Fashionable Reader: Zelda is very pleased and very excited tonight, for, earlier in the evening, Most Fashionable Vivienne of Fashion listened as Zelda recounted an occurrence that had occurred earlier in the week. When Zelda finished recounting, Vivienne bestowed upon Zelda great and wise knowledge of benevolence, goodwill, and fashion. Vivienne revealed that the occurrence that Zelda recounted was not, in fact, an occurrence at all, but that it was, in fact, a beautiful and benevolent mystical vision sent to Zelda by the beautiful and benevolent Anne Carson. Zelda must wait and let the meaning of the beautiful and benevolent vision settle in her mind before she reveals it to you, Most Fashionable Reader. This means that Zelda will write about it tomorrow. But O! The joy! Thank you, Wise and Fashionable Vivienne, Vessel of Fashion! Thank you!]

Now. Zelda is trying to push herself out of her comfort zone. This means that Zelda is becoming more open to doing things that Zelda wouldn’t normally do. So when a Fashionable Friend of Zelda’s invited Zelda to take a class with her, Zelda jumped at the chance. Now this class is not just any class, Dear Reader. This class is a Class of Fashion. This class, Dear Reader, is a Pottery Class. Both Zelda and her Fashionable Friend have admitted that they envision themselves looking like Demi Moore in Ghost, fashionably crafting Wares of Fashion in Fashionable Overalls at the Fashionable Potter’s Wheel while the Righteous Brothers serenade them ever-so-softly.

Now, Zelda realizes that, instead of looking like Demi Moore, she will most likely look like Charlize Theron did in Monster, but even that does not deter her! She knows that, no matter what she looks like at that Fashionable Potter’s Wheel of Fashion, she will walk out of that pottery class with Useful and Fashionable Wares, such as an ashtray that looks vaguely like an ashtray, an ashtray that looks vaguely like a vase, a coffee mug that shares many of the same characteristics as an ashtray, and a bust of the Fashionable Joan Crawford that looks suspiciously like an ashtray. Zelda is incredibly excited!

Oh yeah! The poem!

For this poem, Most Fashionable Reader, I have, as best I can, followed the example of Harry Mathew’s 35 Variations on a Theme from Shakespeare. Due to time constraints, I had to limit my number of variations to thirteen. My source text comes from Ovid:

I love him but I cannot seem to find him.

The Well-Read Reader of Fashion will know that the text comes from the story of Narcissus, and that when Narcissus says, “I love him but I cannot seem to find him,” he is actually speaking of himself, not his beloved in a biblical sense. I say, however, that when we search for our beloveds, aren’t we searching for ourselves as well? So in my poem for the evening, the speaker is actually searching for her beloved. My variations are as follows: 1 Lipogram in i; 2 Lipogram in c, d, f, g, j, k, l, m, p, v, w, x, y, z; 3 Snowball; 4 Lipogram in a; 5 Anagram; 6 Lipogram in e; 7 Missing letter; 8 Emphasis; 9 Another point of view; 10 Double curtailing; 11 Subtle insight; 12 Amplification; 13 Interrogative mode.

13 Variations on a Line from Ovid

1
Love the man, and look for the man.

2
I restrain him. Then I see to him.

3
I am the lone woman, taking moments whenever necessary.

4
I love him — then I lose him.

5
Don a mind font. Hit his vile ocean mime.

6
Fuck him, and by morning, the man is missing.

7
I love him, and I cannot see to find him.

8
I love him, you see. He’s the object of my affection, the last Hot Tamale in the box, the one I’ve lost my sugarcoated heart to, the one I long for when the night begins. I love him and I cannot seem to find him — he, the catamaran on the horizon, the pelican that flew past the rotting pier. He disappeared like a twenty from a back pocket, a lighter from a purse. What I’m really trying to say, I suppose, is this: love and loss can be found in the same sentence quite often.

9
Then try another bar, ya dumb broad!

10
I love, and I cannot.

11
Love, my friends, is merely a journey.

12
When one loves another, much time is spent searching.

13
If love is loss, then what is hate?